Own Worst Enemy
by SteppingStone-x
Summary: A story based on a young Michelle and her struggles and how she gets help from Carla. Warning for sensitive subjects!
1. Chapter 1

**Just to reiterate what I have already put in the story summary that there is a theme of mental illnesses involved in this story, quite a dark story too, so just thought it would be best to point it out once more so that anybody who doesn't necessarily want to read about these sort of topics doesn't continue.**

Tears stung her worn out eyes and she quickly tried her hardest to blink them back as she hopelessly rocked the new born baby in her arms, it feeling as though the tiny human being she was holding was increasing in weight by the second, she had been doing this for around an hour and she was beginning to think it would never end, that he would never stop crying, why couldn't she settle him? He always seemed to settle so much quicker for his father, or grandmother. She sighed in relief as she noticed his eyes finally shut with one last blink, and a tear rolled down her cheek as she watched the gentle rise and fall of his tiny chest. Michelle carefully took a seat on the sofa, manoeuvring her legs slowly so she could lie down, her head comfortably resting on the arm as she held the tiny child close to her chest, finally allowing her eyes to close, knowing by Ryan's usual standards he would be awake again within the hour. Her mind raced with the thoughts of the previous few weeks, she couldn't quite believe how much her life had changed and it truly felt like it had been tipped upside down. Nothing was the same anymore, she had been warned but nothing could have prepared her for motherhood, she felt like a completely different person, and it scared her to think she may never return to her usual self, it had been a month since she had given birth to her son, but to Michelle it felt like years, every time she took a glance at herself in a passing mirror, she almost felt like she didn't recognise the figure staring back at her.

In her exhausted state she didn't acknowledge Dean enter the room, nor did she feel him take their son from her arms, pulling a blanket over her before leaving the room and slowly shutting the door behind him, proudly carrying his son through to the other room. Michelle was amazed at how well Dean had taken to parenthood. He was completely natural, and she had no doubt in her mind that Ryan would idolise his father as he grew up, it was her who she felt was failing in the role, and due to the how busy she was with having a new born, nobody had noticed how little she had been eating, nor how she had ignoring her own needs, the way she had been acting would normally have sent alarm bells ringing in her parents heads, however they had quickly dismissed Michelle's exhaustion and purely blamed it on the baby, the truth was this felt like the only thing Michelle could control in her life at the moment, she knew she should be grateful of the supportive network she had in hers and Dean's family, a newborn is never easy, especially not for a 15 year old school girl, however she despised not being independent anymore, there was always somebody looking over her shoulder and she couldn't see that ending any time soon, by restricting herself of food she felt some sort of self control, it also didn't help that she heard the words of several classmates spinning around her mind, the ones who didn't know of her pregnancy and constantly commented on her increasing weight, at least this way she was proving them wrong and wouldn't be the over weight one next time they saw her.

Michelle eventually woke up as she heard the faint cry of a baby, instantly snapping her eyes open before sighing and leaning back against the cushions as she realised Ryan wasn't in her arms, the sense of relief was incredible, she felt guilty for feeling this way, but with every sleepless night and unsettled day she found herself resenting him, her own son, the small innocent young baby and she hated herself for it. Michelle had attempted to talk to her mother several weeks ago, but Helen was adamant it was just her adapting to becoming a mother and that it was 'completely normal' Michelle couldn't help but sigh, she knew this wasn't normal, resenting your own child wasn't normal. She felt deflated, she had sworn to her mother months ago that she would prove her wrong when she had suggested that Michelle should have a termination, but Michelle had been her usual determined feisty self, she was certain to prove her mother wrong, yet here she was feeling the complete opposite, she felt unbelievably disappointed in herself, but she couldn't talk to anyone else, her own mother had dismissed it so surely so would everybody else. Her brothers were too busy to notice anything and she had very little contact with any of her school friends since she had left to have Ryan. Michelle sobbed gently, tucking her legs underneath herself as she finally realised just how alone she felt, she just wished she had somebody that she could talk to, somebody to help to try and understand the feelings she was having.

Hearing the front door opening and the sound of footsteps nearing to the living room, Michelle quickly wiped at her eyes with her sleeve, attempting to disguise her emotional state, knowing that if anybody asked her if she was OK, she would probably burst into tears and never stop, she would have to do what she had been doing for weeks and try her very hardest to act like she was coping. The door slowly opens and she awaits for her brothers to come in and take over the television or something but instead it is not Paul or Liam, instead she see's Carla enter the room, despite never seeing eye to eye all of the time, Michelle was grateful that it was her, because she was guaranteed no soppiness, which was exactly what she needed right now, and for what feels like the first time in ages, she gives the older girl a faint smile as she takes a place next to her.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thankyou for the reviews, I really do appreciate it. So here is the next chapter, this was very quickly written, but if I didn't update it now, I know that I'd never get round to it. **___

Carla studied the young girls face as she takes a place on the opposite sofa, it was so obvious to her that Michelle was desperately struggling, the single problem was that Carla didn't want to press on the subject, Michelle didn't have the mildest of tempers and Carla knew what it was like to be on the receiving end only too well, it seemed daft but the younger girl intimidated her, she had such a strong personality and had been the spoilt little girl in their class.

Carla couldn't keep quiet any longer, watching as Michelle's deep dark eyes scanned the floor aimlessly, refusing to look up at her, she had never seen her look so weak, but just as she went to open her mouth, the door opened before she could get any of her words out and Helen appeared holding baby Ryan, followed by Dean, Paul and Liam. Carla couldn't help but notice as Michelle squirmed in the chair before quickly rising and bolting out of the room, not looking at any of the people in the living room. Carla sat in amazement as none of her family seemed to notice her disappearance, all of them so consumed in cooing over the young child in Helen's arms. Her face must have shown her confusion as Paul occupied the seat next to her.

'You alright?' he asked, slipping an arm around her shoulders. Carla quickly shuffled from his grip standing up muttering to Paul that she would be back in a minute, before making her way out past the others. She presumed Michelle would have gone to her room, perhaps needing the space away from her family but as she stepped into the hallway she noticed the front door was wide open. Carla sighed before reaching and grabbing her coat from the hook and making her way outside, she reached into her pocket and dialled Michelle's phone number, not knowing where to begin looking for her.

Michelle sat on one of the swings in a park just around the corner from her home. She looked around at the deserted play area, the sky was beginning to darken and she had sat and watched the sun lower in the sky, she had no idea why she had bolted from the house, especially as she looked down at her arms, noticing how the shook in the cold October air. She felt at ease now she was alone, it had all felt too much when her mother and brothers and boyfriend appeared, and she knew she had to get herself out of there. She knew they wouldn't notice, atleast not for a few hours when they were bored of fussing over baby Ryan and would expect her to take him back so she was safe until then, although the thought of returning to that house made her sick to the stomach. She jumped slightly as she heard her phone ringing from her jeans pocket, and she stood up to retrieve it, sighing as she noticed how her jeans hung loosely from her body, they had barely fitted her a few weeks ago. She gently exhaled in relief as she realised it wasn't her mothers name, or Dean's name on the screen, she still had some time, it was only Carla, she quickly declined the phone call before taking a seat on the swing again, randomly twirling the phone in her hands.

Carla groaned angrily as she heard Michelle's voicemail knowing that she had declined her call. She walked down the road and behind the back of the park, deciding to try and ring Michelle once more, knowing it was most probably pointless, but deciding it would be worth a last try, despite their differences she cared deeply for Michelle and maybe it was the fact that they were so similar that they did often clash, they both had strong personalities, weren't afraid to speak their mind and say it how it is, but deep down Carla knew they both had a deeply sensitive side, a real vulnerability about them. Carla could hear the faint noise of a phone ringing and as she squinted her eyes and looked across she could see the figure of somebody sat in the park in front of her, and the light from the mobile phone screen showing the dark hair of the figure. Carla felt a rush of relief fill her body, at least she had found her.

Michelle didn't hear the faint noise of Carla's footsteps on the crunchy autumn leaves and it wasn't until she noticed a figure take a seat on the next swing that she was drawn from her thoughts and back into the real world. She didn't raise her eyes from the hand holding her phone, but she knew who it was sat next to her. She was just disappointed that she had been found so easily, if Carla had found her then her parents or brothers would surely have no trouble doing so either.

'What are you doing here?' she murmured.

'Looking for you' Carla spoke with a softer tone than even she realised she had, gently swinging slightly on the rusty old swing, her eyes fixed on the younger girl, noting the way she refused to look at her.

'Why though?'

'Cos I care… and I can tell somethings not right'

Michelle didn't reply, a stray tear escaping from the confines of her hazel eyes, running slowly down her cheeks, it had been the first time she had shown any emotion since Ryan was born, and this was what had confused her even more, it wasn't that she felt upset or exhausted, she had simply felt numb, and it had terrified her, it was almost a relief to feel that tear, to feel some sort of emotion.

Carla watched on, frowning as she watched her, noting the way she was trembling in the cold breeze in the tshirt she was wearing, she had obviously not grabbed at her coat in her rush to escape from her house, and Carla soon found herself standing up from the swing and removing the coat from her own back before slowly placing it around Michelle's quivering shoulders, gently stroking a hand through her hair and wiping away the tears that had began to fall.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thankyou so much for all of your lovely reviews, I really do appreciate it. Here is the third chapter. As usual, please feel free to let me know what you thought, again this was written quite quickly on a train journey, so I apologise for any mistakes! X_

It had been a week since Carla had last seen Michelle, that night when she had found the younger girl alone in the park, she had point blank refused utter more than a few sentences. Carla practically watched the shutters come down as Michelle seemed to shrink back into a shell, it was incredibly frustrating for Carla to watch someone she had now grown to care about struggling so much yet being unable to help them. After several hours of sitting with Michelle, she had given up on the hope of a conversation and chose to walk her home and ensure she got home safely without any hassle from her parents. None of them had noticed her presence had been missing, and she had been able to rush upstairs and change into a pair of pyjamas before going to join her boyfriend and son who were settled in the living room watching the TV screen with her parents. Carla was both amazed and un nerved at how easily Michelle seemed to change. She went from the vulnerable wreck to her typical normal self in an instant, she had truly mastered the art so it was no wonder nobody else had noticed her pain, there was simply no way they could.

Carla decided that today she would make an excuse to go around and check on Michelle, it had been driving her crazy all week, she knew that today Paul was in work and would not be at home, but decided she would pretend to have forgotten or mixed her days up, purely as an excuse to get round there. She was determined to speak to Michelle, she decided to use a different approach this time, talk to her and get her to talk, maybe then she would end up opening up to her, having had it all bottled up inside her so long.

Michelle sat on the edge of her bed rocking baby Ryan gently in her arms, all the while staring straight ahead of her, last night had been particularly bad. Dean had been to see a couple of his friends and had a few drinks, so she had been left alone with their son, and it seemed to her that he had cried and woken up a ridiculous amount of times during the night, and even when Dean had returned, his alcohol fuelled evening meant her had been no use to her, she had sat with the tiny baby at 3:30am attempting to feed him his bottle whilst the tears had dampened her own face, her mind completely elsewhere until the high pitched screams of her son had snapped her from her thoughts and back into reality. She felt incredibly weak this morning, the exhaustion was both physical and mental, she had continued to practically starve herself, not that it was hard, she had no appetite anyway but it had been more of a struggle on the days when her meals had been cooked for her by Dean or her Mother, she had to force the food down her throat, it making her feel sick with each mouthful, but not wanting to be questioned she had done it, but always found an excuse to disappear upstairs straight after to bring it all straight back up, she would sob as she sat on the floor near the toilet, reaching for her toothbrush turning it round and quickly pushing the end to the back of her throat, quickly bringing the contents of her diet back up. Over the weeks she had gained the skill of doing this with both ease and speed so that nobody worried and checked on her, she knew she had to be careful, her mum was not easy to fool. The weight had been dropping off extremely quickly but Michelle had also learnt which of the clothes from her wardrobe disguised it well, she would wear baggy jogging bottoms in the day with a thick long sleeved jumper, able to get away with the casual wear these days and so far nobody had noticed a thing. Michelle knew she was losing weight rapidly, the jogging bottoms were becoming looser each time she slipped them on, and her bracelet was now threatening to slip off her wrist which she knew looked extremely small these days. Each time she managed to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror she was shocked at how her usually flawless complexion looked dry, her skin a duller shade than usual. She was a mess and she knew it

Dean finally awakened, rubbing his eyes as he slowly sat up instantly noticing Michelle and feeling increasingly guilty about the previous night, she looked exhausted and he put it down to caring for Ryan all through the night with no help from himself.

'How about I take him for a walk and give you some time to yourself, maybe have a bath or something hey'

Michelle simply nodded in reply, relief flooding through her body at the prospect of a few hours without the baby, or anybody else smothering her for that matter. She watched Dean stretch before slowly getting out of bed and begin rooting through the draws for some clothes, she willed him to hurry up, desperate for him to go. She dressed the young baby and strapped him into his pram, so he was all set to go as soon as Dean was, and she quickly put on her best smile, swiftly kissing her boyfriend as they left, quickly shutting the door behind them before releasing a sigh of relief.

Carla quickly made her way to the house, she knew Helen and Barry had taken Liam out for the day and Paul was at work, so she was pleased when she passed Dean just down the road on his way to the park, quickly chatting away and discovering that he was giving Michelle some time to herself. It wasn't long before she was at the house and gently tapped on the door, awaiting Michelle's answer.

Michelle jumped slightly in shock as she heard the knock at the door, praying that Dean had just forgotten something, he couldn't be back so quickly, she hadn't even gotten into the bath yet, she quickly through her jumper back on, forgetting about the joggers. Slowly opening the door, looking at the floor as she saw Carla.

'Pauls not back from work yet, he'll be home about 6ish' she muttered quietly under her breath

'Well I think I'll come in and wait' Carla gave Michelle no option, stepping in and pressing her foot against the door as Michelle quickly tried to shut it, her strength no match for Carla though and she reluctantly let her inside. Her eyes dropping to the floor as she could feel Carla's eyes scanning her body, undoubtedly she would be the one to notice the change in her.

Carla looked on in shock, it had only been just over a week, only 7 days since she had last seen the younger girl and she could not believe how slight and frail she looked, her legs were much noticeably slimmer, she couldn't find any words to say as she looked Michelle up and down, her eyes focusing on the protruding collar bone that Michelle had not managed to cover up, how on earth had nobody noticed, and it was now that Carla knew that Michelle's problems were much worse than she originally thought.


	4. Chapter 4

So sorry that I have had no chance to update in such a long time, I have been away and have only just returned, this was done on my journey home as a way to pass some time. I hope there is still some interest out there, but I suppose I will soon find out.

Michelle let out a small sigh as Carla barged in, she slowly shut the door and turned to face her friend, she felt unbelievably self-conscious, she could feel Carla's eyes scanning her body and she subconsciously pulled her jumper tightly around herself in an attempt to disguise her now small frame, she wondered why she was bothering, Carla already knew, she couldn't hide anything from her, but she still felt like she couldn't admit that there was a problem.

Michelle slowly stepped forward and began to walk past Carla towards the kitchen, at least she could busy herself in there, make a drink or something, but as she began to take her steps, she felt Carla gently take hold of her hand, stopping her in her tracks, her eyes instantly filling with tears at the feel of a comforting, caring hand. Michelle continued to face away, feeling like she would crumble is she gained eye contact and she couldn't let that happen. Carla sighed angrily as she felt Michelle tug her hand away and scuttle into the kitchen, she quickly followed her through, the sight of Michelle making her heart physically ache, she looked even worse in the light of the kitchen, her usual radiant skin was dull and pale.

'Michelle….'

Carla watched as Michelle ignored her, seeming to be in her own world as she aimlessly stirred the spoon in the two mugs of coffee that she had made.

'Chelle! Please, talk to me'

Michelle swallowed back, the only way Carla was going to leave was if she kept up her façade. She would surely give up, leave her alone again.

'About what? Anything in particular you wanted? I was actually just about to have a bath..'

'Maybe about how terrible you look!' Carla hated how harsh she sounded but the soft approach clearly was not working with her.

'Well, I'm sorry for not looking like a supermodel just a month after giving birth!'

'Oh come on 'Chelle! Don't insult me, we both know what I'm on about'

Michelle gulped as she watched Carla move closer towards her, she felt angry, how dare anyone question her, she was the young girl with a newborn to cope with, whilst also dealing with the stress of wanting to feeling better about herself after months of weight jibes at school.

'Just go, Carla! Seriously! I look this bad because I don't get five minutes to myself!'

'Fine. Whatever' Carla felt defeated, she would have to try again but for today there was most definitely no getting through to her friend and as much as it saddened her, she would have to think of a new plan, and after leaving the house she decided she would speak to Dean, going to Helen or Barry would not be the wisest move, but Dean possibly could be, he was a caring guy and Carla knew he would devastated to learn of the state of Michelle, although she was slightly surprised he hadn't already noticed.

Back at home, Michelle closed her eyes as she leant against the front door after shutting it behind Carla, the tears now cascading down her cheeks, she hated that she was pushing everyone away, but she just couldn't help it. Quickly glancing at the clock, she panicked, Dean had been out a while, and was sure to be back soon, she scuttled up the stairs and into the bathroom, staring at her body in the mirror, groaning in anger, still not feeling happy with her body, and after a quick shower she headed into her bedroom, applying some of her makeup, lightly but enough to disguise the paleness to her skin. She grabbed a fresh set of jogging bottoms of Deans and also grabbed a hoodie, although they buried her, it looked normal, she double checked in the mirror to ensure she was covered up, and went back downstairs, sitting herself down in front of the TV awaiting the return of her boyfriend and baby, her stomach growled angrily as she attempted to watch some a random TV programme, but the pain was becoming stronger, it no longer felt like the dull ache she was now beginning to get used to experiencing, but a sharp pain. Michelle slowly stood up, beginning to feel light headed as she made her way back into the kitchen, reaching the sink and grabbing a glass before weakly turning on the tap, beginning to knock back the ice cold water, her head began to feel heavier by the second and within a few seconds her vision blurred, and her legs buckled, unable to stop herself falling to the floor, smashing her glass of water in the process.

Carla had stood just outside the house after leaving Michelle, debating over and over what to do, she knew Michelle needed help, and it would have to be soon. She straightened herself up as she spotted Dean approaching, she smiled at him as he got closer, he was so happy, the perfect father to little Ryan, maybe this is how he had failed to notice that Michelle was struggling, because he was so wrapped up in the little boys life, she hated having to tell him but she knew she had to.

'Dean, can I have a quick word…' she watched as he checked Ryan was settled in the pram before giving her his full attention, Carla spilled out her concerns and sighed as she watched Dean's face drop, she knew he felt terrible for not noticing, but Carla reassured him of how Michelle had been hiding it. They were both discussing what their next move was going to be with Carla suggesting she take little Ryan for a night, giving Dean a chance to spend some time and care for his girlfriend. They were both interrupted when they heard the sound of a glass smashing from the other side of the door, them both instantly panicking as the noise echoed in their ears. Carla grabbed Deans keys from him and fumbled around, eventually steadying her hand enough to unlock the door and she burst inside, quickly being followed by Dean after he had pushed the pram inside. Carla's hand flew to her mouth at the sight of Michelle slumped on the cold hard tiles of the kitchen, tears threatening to fall as she quickly shouted for Dean to hurry up, both their hearts breaking at the sight before them.


End file.
